Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
