ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
