I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
