my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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