remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
