Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
