Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
