um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My ass is underappreciated
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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