yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
