I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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