Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
