I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
