I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
