Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
