Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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