No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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