Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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