It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
