I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
