i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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