Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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