I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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