yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
