life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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