My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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