It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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