ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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