he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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