I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
