That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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