Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
