a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
