dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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