Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
