i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
