I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
