Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
