I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
