I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
