break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
