Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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