Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
