there's paper in my vomit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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