i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
