So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
