So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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