I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
