I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
