and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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