I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
