I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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