Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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