If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
